


Again

by AngelynMoon



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied Mpreg, M/M, POV Second Person, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:48:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25007992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelynMoon/pseuds/AngelynMoon
Summary: In which Bilbo relives the quest a few times trying to save his dwarrow.
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield
Comments: 4
Kudos: 129





	Again

You go back. They offer you a chance to save them and you grab it with both hands and you go back, back to the very beginning and you think and think on how you can change things, how you can save them.

You try, you avoid the trolls and you forget about Sting and Orcrest and Gandalf's sword and so you have nothing in Mirkwood.

They die there, eaten by spiders over the weeks as you slowly starve to death yourself. 

Thorin is not the last to be eaten, he's the first but you linger through hunger and sickness until Ori is gone, eyes frightened as his insides turn liquid.  
:  
You go back. You fail.  
:  
You go back, try again, fail.  
:  
You go back, fail.  
:  
You go back, fail.  
:  
You fail.  
:  
You go back. Fail.  
:  
Fail.  
:  
Fail.  
:  
You go back. You try again, you keep the trolls and get Sting but you mistime your arrival at Rivendale, you are weeks early and you read the Runes by the light of the right moon a month before. 

You avoid the Stone Giants but Kili dies at the hands of the Goblin King and Fili might as well have been lost as well.

You stick it out, you have no choice but.

Ori and Dori fall from Gandalf's staff at the cliffs and you are too late to stop the Orc from taking Thorin's head.

The Eagles take you to the Carrock still. 

There is no quest without Thorin you know this but you have to continue anyway, you have figured out that as long as one member of the Company lives you can't begin again.

You reach the Mountain.

It's only Dwalin and yourself, the rest are lost, dead or worse but for the first time you have reached the Mountain.

Dwalin falls from the stairs on the way up and you wait yo begin again before realizing that you are still a member of the Company and you are still alive.

You climb, you climb and you get the door open and Smaug is not so frightening when you just want to go back.

Burning hurts.  
:  
You go back.

You refuse to leave.

You go to sleep a week after they leave, they should be arriving at the trolls now, you think before closing your eyes.  
:  
You go back.  
:

It blurs together, each time you don't go your dwarrow die at the hands of the trolls.

But you are tired, you begin to cry at the sight of Dwalin on your doorstep, you have to step back from hugging Fili and Kili.

You cry yourself to sleep most nights when you go off with the dwarrow.

You pray to Aule and Yavanna, begging them for answers.

Thorin asks one night why you cry.

You cannot tell him the whole truth, so you settle for half of one.

You tell him you have lost some very dear people, that you miss them and wish you could save them.

He seems not to realise your use of present tense.

Something changes after that, between you and Thorin.

You talk more, he makes you laugh and you make him laugh, you don't remember him laughing during that very first go around.

You save them from the trolls, you get Sting and Orcrest and Gandalf's sword.

You arrive right on time to Rivendale.

You sneak out like thieves in the night, for the first time you do not look back because your hand is in Thorin's as he helps you balance.

You fall in the Misty Mountains, down, down, down into Gollum's territory, you find your little ring, and how could you have forgotten about such a useful trinket.

You pocket it and head out, avoiding Gollum as you go.

You save Thorin from Azog, and you fly.

You know there is worse yet to go but you cannot help saying that you believe the worst behind you.

You should be frightened but you cannot be, not with Thorin's hand on yours.

Beorn's is still delightful.

Moreso for the fact that there is where Throin first kisses you.

You wed there, surrounded by the Company and blessed by Gandalf and you are so very terrified about what yet awaits you but you let yourself be lost in Thorin's kisses.

The spiders still get you and you cannot save them all before the Elves come but you escape Thranduil's dungeons mostly whole and still fourteen.

You arrive at Laketown, drenched and coughing and you know that there's going to be one more delay and you apologise.

It takes precious weeks for you to recover and you are not yet one hundred percent when you leave Laketown.

The Dragon dies in the golden pool, a black arrow in it's heart, stolen and hefted by Bifur, the edge of the Dragon's snout peaks out from the river and they leave it that way, a reminder.

Thorin sets aside the gems of Starlight for Thranduil at your request, reminding Thorin that you will need his alliance, at least for their very first years and you help Gloin mark a portion of your share to pay the Lake men.

Thorin protests you using your share to pay his debts but you reminds him of their marriage and that Thorin's debts yours as well.

Gandalf brings news of an Orc and Goblin army to your doorstep, it has been so long since you made it thus far that you had forgotten.

You fight, Elf side by side with Dwarrow and Man, the vulnerable and Healers tucked safe within the Mountain.

You see Thorin fall and you think, 'no, no, no.' You cannot bare to go through this again, not again, not after knowing Thorin's love.

You don't even remember killing Azog, you only wake to the wet thud of his head at your feet and you fall to your knees next to Thorin and you beg him to be alright.

You live, so does the Company, so does Thorin, though he is restricted to bed.

It leaves you to negotiate with Thranduil and the Master of Laketown, you wish ot was Bard standing for the Men and you know it will happen eventually.

You organize clean up, of both battlefield and Mountain and you greet your Took cousins when they arrive to help with restoring the land as you requested while at Rivendale.

You fall asleep at one point and sleep through an entire day, a day that Kili and Fili step into their duties with grace and skill.

When you wake and Ori informs you of such you are very proud, you have Bombur bake them a reward, you wish it could be you baking it but you have so much to do with Thorin yet bedbound.

It worries you that Thorin is yet to wake, despite Oin's reassurance that Thorin is only sleeping.

You realize when you begin to feel faint after luncheon, you take a few moments to collect yourself and you discover a tiny flower blooming beneath your belly button.

You take the day to relax and let the news set in. 

Then you call Fili, Kili, and Dwalin into your room, you explain and they all agree that your duties should be split between yourself, Fili, and Kili.

Dwalin agrees to be your shadow, you had refused a guard before and no one dared touch you but it is no longer just you and you have never seen a record of a Hobbit and Dwarrow having a child, if you faint or collapse you want someone there to help.

Thorin wakes and you decide to wait before telling him.

You tell him when he can walk to the front gates, you whisper it in his ear as he looks over the edges of his kingdom and you try not to feel guilty as he falls to the ground.

He is put on bed rest for another week and he does not complain because you and your daughter are right there next to him and Dis arrives to help her sons run the kingdom.

And you don't realize until much, much later that you have completed your task.

You saved them, and maybe you have managed to save yourself as well.

\--

A/n: i don't even know.

Fir the context of this story Hobbits get a mark beneath their belly button when they are pregnant, a sapling sprout for a boy and a flower for a girl


End file.
